The Soggy Middle | NaNoWriMo Writing Update #4

(Last Updated On: )

Week three of NaNoWriMo is behind us and wow, what a week! I was definitely on a bit of a struggle rollercoaster and honestly, it hasn’t stopped yet. Let’s talk about my current struggles with uncertainty and self-doubt in this NaNoWriMo Writing Update!

What’s this Writing Update Thing?

In case you’re a little confused about why I, a book blogger, am suddenly talking about writing, don’t be alarmed. I’m participating in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and decided it would be fun to share my progress with you!

You can learn more about the project I’m working on and my goals for the month in my first writing update post! If you’re also participating in NaNoWriMo or just decided to give it a try, you can be my buddy on the website and we can cheer each other on!

If you’re curious about my writing journey so far, here’s my last NaNoWriMo Writing Update Post:

• Connecting Threads and Creating Joy | NaNoWriMo Writing Update #3

My NaNoWriMo Word Count in Week 3

I ended week three with a solid 35,620 words!

My progress, at least in terms of word count has been pretty steady. Admittedly, it hasn’t been easy this week! Historically, week three is always the hardest one for me. The pure adrenaline from week one has worn off and by now, I have kind of reached the “soggy middle” of writing this story.

State of the Draft

Week three was truly random. That’s the only way I can describe it. Pretty much everything I wrote this week is a collection of random scenes and bits and pieces. The only thing tying them together is that they are (very) loosely chronological. But other than that, they are all over the place!

The draft currently reflects my mental state: pure chaos. This story has gone off the rails in a spectacular fashion and it’s both wonderful and a giant fucking roadblock. Right now, I don’t really know where I am going. Honestly, I am kind of swimming in uncertainty right now so let’s talk about that!

Trials and Tribulations

As I said, week three is my soggy middle. Suddenly, writing is hard, the words don’t flow as freely and I overthink everything. Quickly, I start to doubt myself and this entire project.

What am I doing here? Does this story even have a point? Why did I think this was a good idea? Am I even the right person to tell this story?

That’s pretty much been my internal monologue this week. And I know, I should’ve anticipated this! It’s been happening every NaNo. Suddenly, in week three the doubt starts to creep in. Unfortunately, this year it’s worse than ever.

It’s mostly because I do, for the most part, have no clue what I am doing. I am sitting here with a collection of characters that are filled with open questions, and a loose bundle of plot threads. And for the first time during NaNo, I can’t clearly see a direction. That was exciting in week one and two, but now it’s getting a little scary.

To continue writing means plunging into the depth of the unknown. It means making creative choices which inevitably means not choosing anything else. I am bad at making choices. How am I supposed to know if this is the right choice for this character?! The answer is of course: by writing it and seeing if it works.

This struggle is kind of ironic, because this creative stubling into this story has been incredibly fun and rewarding! And all of the sudden it is also the thing that makes me dread opening my draft because somehow, I feel like I have lost the ability to do it. Of course, that’s bullshit. The only thing that has changed between week two and now is my mental state.

Because really, the issue isn’t really that I don’t know where the plot is going (though it is a problem in its own right). The issue is that I am afraid.

I’m afraid that I’ve written myself into a corner, that I’ll have 50k of chaotic garbage at the end. I’m afraid of somehow disappointing people’s expectations of me because my draft has just gotten a life of its own and is definitely no longer the story I said and thought I was writing. I am terrified that spending a month exploring mostly inconsequential mundanities and a web of strange characters in a not at all thought-out space city means I have failed as a writer.

Ultimately, I know that those fears are not reality. NaNoWriMo has always been about enjoying myself and having fun, no matter what I end up writing. Rationally, I know that even 50k of garbage don’t make me a bad writer because I am mostly writing for myself anyway and it has been fun! I don’t want to be afraid of my own creative process.

My Goals for Week 4

With that ramble straight from my heart, let’s move on to the part of my NaNoWriMo Writing Update where we talk about goals.

Last week, I set the following goals:

1. write every day, try to hit the wordcount but don’t stress about it
2. spend 30 minutes on Saturday and start my world-building and character document. Start with my main group of characters.

And I am happy to report that I achieved both of them! Somehow, I wrung my brain dry each day and got some words out of it. Additionally, I finally started a document in my Scrivener file where I have started to collect all the choices I’ve made already, particularly about my characters.

So, where do I go from here? Honestly, I’ve found it hard to come up with goals. Right now, I just feel a little overwhelmed and directionless. Funny, because that’s not just about my NaNoWriMo project, it’s also about my life right now. I guess art imitates life, huh?

Eventually, I came up with this goal:

1. Explore a plot thread/choice that scares me

It’s a bit of an odd goal, I’ll admit. Essentially, I want to push myself out of my comfort zone. If I want to reach the finish line of NaNoWriMo and keep this story moving, I’m going to have to jump into the unknown and explore. So my goal for this week is to explore one of those dark alleys I’m not sure about.

Right now, they mostly include plot points with higher stakes and conflict. Also known as “the things that make a plot work”. But I am scared and hiding behind my character’s daily routines and details is much safer than writing The Scary Things! Ultimately, if I want to grow as a writer, I’m going to have to get over that. It’s time to put on my imaginary supersuit and tackle things that make me feel uncertain.

There#s probably a bigger lesson about my life in here somewhere.

Let’s Chat!

📚 How do you deal with self doubt in your work?

📚 Is there an aspect of your creative process that you are scared to explore further?

I hope you have a lovely day,

If you like my work and would like to support me, you can buy me a coffee!